How to Approach the Millennium Woman
How to Approach the Millennium Woman
A Compendium of Surefire Tips for Nerds, Adonises &
Regular Joes
My guy friends tell me that women are a mystery, that its
hard to know what to say to us. Women play games and dont
tell you the rules. Or else we change the rules midgame.
We want to be goddesses and expect you to worship us. But
when you do, we treat you like bugs beneath our Manolo Blahnik
sandals. We want you to rescue us from a multitude of woes,
to fight our battles for us. Yet when you do, we say youve
overstepped your bounds.
We want you to be the strongest, the smartest, the most gorgeous
specimens in creationBrad Pitt with a Bill Gates portfolio,
but no one is ever that perfect. Although it may seem that
we want you to make all the decisions, in reality we expect
to make them. And, worst of all, we dont want to share any
of these thoughts with you; we just expect you to know what
makes us tickby osmosis as it were. If you cant guess what
were about, hit the road, Jack.
What planet have you guys been living on? Not Earth, Ill
bet. Because we of the so-called opposite sex arent like
that. Millennium Womenmy friends and Iwant to make it
easy for you to understand us. We want a relationship. We
want to meet a good guy, and were not into mystery and convoluted
rules and games. Not at all! Our mothers may have taught
us that a tad of mystery is enticing, but most of us just dont
have time to play games anymore.
Were too busy living our
lives, whichin 2004 A.D.means juggling a career, friends,
activities, sports and sometimes even kids.
Unlike the overtaxed Superwoman of the 70s (who was mother,
entrepreneur, chef and decorator rolled into one), the
stiletto-heeled career girl of the 80s (who wanted her
half-million-dollar condo more than a relationship),
the tired-out 90s version (who, wondering whether Monica
had it right, looked for a sugar daddy with a big cigar),
the Millennium Woman is comfortable just being human.
What exactly, you ask, does this mean to you? First off,
shes fully female. She wears sexy, lacy lingerie, like
the four gals in televisions Sex and the City. No matter
how hard-hitting her job may be, shes proud to be female.
She likes looking nice, however she defines it. This may
be any of a dozen different styles. Recognize hers, and
dont fail to compliment her. Shes taken time out of her
busy day to put herself together and create an image. Dont
take it for granted. Even if its just stonewashed jeans
and a T-shirt, its her look.
Being human also means overcoming obstacles. Shes created
herself. Shes earned a degree, or shes built a company
out of whole cloth. Or she works for a corporation that,
until now, has hired few women, few minorities, few non-MBAsyou
get the picture, guys. Or on the side shes started a mail-order
business in which she dabbles after work.
Ask her questions
about how shes accomplished what shes accomplished.
Maybe this new woman youve just met has a personal triumph
that makes her proud. Shes just run all 26 miles of a marathon,
or has finally learned to stand up to her boss or to her mother.
Perhaps shes just decorated her apartment from thrift-shop
finds. Maybe she just bought her first home. Or maybe shes
won a huge custody battle. Whatever her cause for joy, be
supportive and attentive. And whatever you do, dont let
your eyes wander when she speaks. Listen up! And dont forget
what shes told you by the next date. You wouldnt want her
to forget your stuff.
Women hate being kept a prisoner in limbo. If you like a new
acquaintance, ask her out immediately. Dont just say
youd like to go out sometime. Tell her youd like to see
her next Friday at 9. Otherwise shell be waiting endlessly
by the phone, wondering when youll call. Remove the question
mark by resolving the issue here and now.
No woman likes a man who doesnt have self-respect. This
is best reflected in the way you present yourself. Make
sure your clothes are spotless and well-pressed. Never,
ever show up for a date without being well-groomed. Smell
nice.
And always be polite. Hold the door for her, pull out her
chair, rise when she leaves the table, rise again when she
reappears, help with her coat, pay the check.
If she wants
to share in the expenses, tell her that theres plenty of
time for such trivialities later. The first date should
always be on you. (The truth is, when a woman wants to invite
you out, shell make that clear ahead of time; so expect
to foot the bill.)
While youre at it, dont be cheap. Tip well. Women notice
a cheap date, and believe me, we hate that. Be nice to the
serving staff and parking valet. We like our men to be nice
guys to everyone; it means theyll be nice to us.
So why are Millennium Women nice? For starters, were easy
to talk to. We want to know all about you. Please open up.
Tell us what turns you onand I dont mean sexually; theres
plenty of time for that discussion later. Get to know us
first before you broach the subject of sex. This isnt the
Age of Aquarius anymore. Women wont jump into bed on the
first date, and rarely on the second. First we want to be
appreciated as full human beings. We want proof that you
care about us as people and are going to call us back before
we strip down to our La Perla bras and panties.
Moving on, gentlemen, what is it we want you to tell us? We
want to know about your passions. What in your life excites
you? Is it your job? A sport? A book youve been reading?
Music? We love men who are really turned on by something.
If you love making cabinets, fixing cars, investing in
commodities or writing poetry, share it with us.
Make us
want to participate. My friend Susan is learning to fish
with her new boyfriend.
Dont go on and on about the ex-wife or the ex-girlfriend.
Still, we do want to hear what went wrong. Please take responsibility
for your part in the break-up. The bitch took all my money
wont get you very far. One of my beaux said to me, I wasnt
a very good husband. She was great, but I cheated on her.
I thought, Wow! A-plus for honesty! This man was obviously
not into the blame game.
Same for substance abuse. I prefer a man whos gone through
AA to one who may or may not cause me a huge embarrassment
in front of my friends and family. At least I know hes worked
through it...on somebody elses ticket. Good for him.
And good for him for being upfront about it.
When youre out with us, dont ogle other women. You can
look; all men do that. But dont stare and fall all over yourself
because Miss 38DDDD just swished by. Make your date feel
more important than Miss Bodacious.
We dont like men of mystery. The Millennium Woman likes
a man who opens up, whos not afraid to be vulnerable and
who fesses up. Big deal. We all have a past. And we certainly
are willing to tell you guys about our mistakes.
Thats what I mean about the Millennium Woman being human.
She isnt a goddess. She doesnt want to be worshiped.
She
just wants to be appreciated, listened to and respected.
And, in return, shell treat you the same way.
Isnt that exactly what youve been waiting to hear? Superficially
we may look different (thank God!), but inside were not
so different after all. Each woman is looking for a man who
will make her feel that she alone is really, really specialthat
inside and out she deserves the best you can give her. And
shes dying to hear what youve got to tell her about yourself.